Reminiscing Augusts

I was born in August. Maybe this is why the month has always felt heavy, like a thundercloud pregnant with a summer storm or a branch dipping low laden with ripe fruit. I can feel the rain gathering up inside me, ready to be released. I can feel the fruit ready for a hand to reach out and twist, ready to be harvested and consumed.

A few days ago, I tried to capture the feeling in a poorly written poem:

august (a poem)

I am always reliving a perfect august.
rereading the same stories,
rediscovering bluegrass,
reciting passages and poems,
recalling laughter of past summers,
reacquainting myself with my soul,
remembering the melancholy of joy.

it was a perfect august—
sticky with humidity and fruit just overripe.
all pomegranates + violets meant to be left uneaten.
but I must have eaten six seeds, because now
every year I return to that perfect august,
longing for the tart crimson juice
to touch my lips once more.

Perhaps I feel this way because I was born in August, and the years pile up when the summer draws to a muggy close, the school year beginning and another number inching up my age. I feel both simultaneously young and old—“love is too old to know what conscience is.”1

Regardless, this is the August I attempt to relive every year:

THE BOOKS I READ

• Circus Mirandus by Cassie Beasley
• The Magician’s Elephant by Kate DiCamillo
• Furthermore by Tahereh Mafi
• Sweep: The Story of a Girl and her Monster by Jonathan Auxier
• A Snicker of Magic by Natalie Lloyd
• A Mango-Shaped Space by Wendy Mass
• The Key to Extraordinary by Natalie Lloyd
• Flora & Ulysses by Kate DiCamillo
• Over the Moon by Natalie Lloyd
• Riddle of Ages by Trenton Lee Stewart
• Over the Moon by Natalie Lloyd
• Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo
• The Problim Children by Natalie Lloyd

THE MUSIC I LISTENED TO

• “Dancing in the Minefields” by Andrew Peterson
• “In the Whisper” by Christy Nockels
• “More than I Am” by Mountain Heart
• “Stars” by The Weepies
• “Strawberry Swing” by Coldplay
• “Green Lights” by Sarah Jarosz
• “21st of May” by Nickel Creek
• “Swept Away [Sentimental Version]” by The Avett Brothers
• “Hanging by a Thread” by Nickle Creek
• “Feathers” by The Lil Smokies
• “Where Do You Go” by Flatt Lonesome
• “If I Could Talk to a Younger Me” by Bela Fleck + Abigail Washburn
• “Echo” by Mandolin Orange (who has since changed their band’s name to Watchhouse)
• “Good Enough” by Molly Tuttle
• “Canary” by Honeysuckle
• “Kalamazoo” by The Show Ponies
• “Blind in the Fray” by The Last Revel

(here is a link to that playlist)

THE THINGS I DID

• listened to bluegrass while learning biology
• began teaching myself how to sing harmonies as a result of consuming bluegrass
• read, obviously. mostly in the sunroom of my house.
• book journaled for the third month
• read the archives of Natalie Lloyd’s old blog and wrote many of my favorite quotes in a commonplace book
• wrote my novel
• began my sophomore year of high school
• pondered the line, “We save ourselves by saving others” from Sweep
• watched my favorite movie, Lemonade Mouth
• turned fifteen years old
• recorded the lyrics of the songs I was listening to and writing
• made lists of my favorite words, like Felicity in A Snicker of Magic
• began a ballet class for the first time since I reluctantly quit at eight years old

I take stock, make these lists, review the patterns, reminisce those old longings and attempt to recreate them. The echoes will never be so sweet, I know, but I smile looking at that perfect August, grateful for so lovely a memory—the memory proof that I have lived it and have loved it well.